I've got blisters on my fingers!!

*Secret prize to the one who can tell me where my title quote comes from!*

Oh my jesus. What a gruelling couple of weeks. Two poster presentations (one of which was a report of my original research...so proud! Significant at p < .001 in support of my hypotheses, bitches!! Rock n Roll.) I (and my research assistants...*ahem*...colleagues) submitted the abstract from our research poster to Regional Psych Conference so that might be cool. I'll already be there to co-present the study Dr. A and I finished this semester so why not? The study I designed was novel in the method I used to measure this particular phenomenon, and with such significant results (even controlling for extraneous variables), two of my professors are encouraging me to write up a manuscript and submit it for publishing. There went my winter break!! Ha! Can't hurt my chances of being accepted to #1 Grad School Choice.

I also gave an oral presentation last week. That was traumatizing and I don't want to talk about it. Although I will tell you that Prof Red Hair did not give my group feedback on/approval of our powerpoint until the NIGHT before the presentation, although I submitted them before Thanksgiving...3 times...emailed her the week before the presentation to make sure she got the files... She claimed she never received the files - although I sent them from 2 different email accounts, over Blackboard, and at 3 different times... So, I forwarded her the email "sent" receipts along with the powerpoint Saturday 12/5 (Presentation was scheduled for either 12/8 or 12/10...her choice and a "surpise" found out by each group at the beginning of class 12/8). I didn't hear back from her after her "I got the files, have this back to you asap" email Saturday night so I emailed her AGAIN to "gently remind her" on Monday morning (day before possible presenting) and she claims she sent the files back (w/comments) on Saturday (I didn't get anything...in either email account...in either junk folder) and resent them to me. So, my group, who were waiting to practice the presentation until we got her approval of our slides (which she had us change the actual organization/structure of the presentation itself DRASTICALLY, although all content was fine so practicing prior to those changes would have been pointless anyway). We got to practice 2 1/2 times before class the next day (between morning class and Dr Red Hair's class). With an entirely new format (order) of the slides. We thought maybe she'd assign us to present on Thursday since we were the only group who hadn't heard back from her by the weekend of Thanksgiving... Nope. She had us go that day. Less than 18 hours after she let us know about the drastic changes we needed to make to our presentation... I was prepared as in I knew that material inside and out but I only got to practice it outloud twice, during which I ended up cutting out most of my "in depth" slides for time (and they were so awesome!) so I actually never got to practice the final product before presenting.
Dr. Red Hair is now Dr. Fucking Cunt. The presentation went fine as far as staying on time and getting our points across but my usual enthusiastic, confident speaker-self was too nervous and angry to be anything other than monotone, trying not to talk too fast, could be a freshman speaker.

We got an A but lots of "constructive comments" about our obvious nervousness, monotone speech pattern, lack of enthusiasm, checking our notes a lot (although not reading straight off of them), and lots of hesitations. Yeah, I wonder why...
Oh well, I didn't complain and I didn't make any excuses because it wasn't worth it. And I could tell that she knew she fucked that one up.

Thursday, after my two posters, I was interviewed with my hubby by one of The Daily Show correspondents for a segment airing after the 1st of the year. Can't give specifics but they did send a crew out to my house, who turned my living room into a TV studio, complete with make-up artist. It was so much fun. If you catch it and you know who I am, please know that I would only ever do such things for Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, and to rub my immoral progressive-ness in the faces of all those conservative bastards denying basic human rights to those they've deemed undeserving based on archaic fairy tales written by patriarchal, homophobic assholes.

Anyway, the semester is almost over. After last week, I have been struggling to give a flying fuck about finals but finals are a breeze at this point (I actually studied during the semester and went to almost all of my classes this semester!). I aced my first final in the Cog Psych class. I also got a 90 on my History of Modern Science final although I haven't submitted it yet (online exam - all essay). I think the professor made a "best guess" as to what students would make so he could take off (he travels a lot) and forgo the whole grading essay question test answers thing. Ha.

Anyway, this was a gruelling semester (15 hours, 3 research studies - 2 of which I designed, all upper level classes - mostly 4000 level) and I am ready for a (few) beer(s) as soon as I get out of my last final on Thursday afternoon. Drinks around 4pm Thursday at local bar in SCU town! Who's down?? ;)

-Me

Inane Statistics

I've been thinking about how inane the phrase, "I don't want to be just another statistic," is. I mean, you are always part of the statistic. For example, the statistic that relates the chance of 2nd marriages involving children from a previous relationship is highest in the first 2 years of remarriage... I made it past 2 years but that just means that I'll be in the part of the data set that either divorces in the first 5 years or after the first 10 years or stays married til death do us part. I'm still a statistic.

Inanity.

I know, weird post for such a long hiatus but I have a shit ton on my plate right now and I don't feel like sharing. So deal. :p

More of the Best Google Search Terms...

As I am successfully putting off writing for another 15 or so minutes, here is the second installment of the most recent search terms that led people to my blog (since the last listing). Some are funny, some are weird, some are bizarre, and some are totally awesome. Each search phrase is linked to its landing page, in case you are curious to how some of these searches could have possibly brought people here. FYI, the list is in no particular order and I did not edit out any of the grammatical and/or spelling errors, so what you see is what they searched.

• "most hypocritical bastards ever" brings you here
• "these are the times that try your soul, because deciding between the interests of your dear ones and the demands of your libido" Which I thought was awesome until I went to the landing page for this particular phrase.
• "sexy political women" and related term, "sexy political bitches" Damn right! (Landing page)
• "'insomnia' suck blogspot" brings you here. The odd use of quotation marks are the best part.
• "no special rights for christians" brings you here. Damn right!!
• "40 year old sexpots"
• "academic dreams" goes here.
• "advantage husband old" from a searcher in Malaysia.
• "african fucking girls pictures" - I have no idea why this would bring someone to my homepage, but it did...
• "because i am smarter than you and i'm going" Ha!
• "dreaming of holding a conversationg" goes here. And I'm glad I'm not the only one.
• "gendered non-traditionally"
• "i'm just smarter than everybody else" Damn right, I am.
• "people who can't speel" I shit you not.
• "sex pot kings" So are they the kinds of pot and sex or sexpot kings?
• "my boyfriend taught me and how to pee standing" which is awesomely kinky, especially if you tack on "...over his face" to the end of it. (landing page)
• My absolute favorite, and possible new entry in the DSM-V, "i'm smarter than you personality disorder"

And the top searched terms people used to find my blog are:

1. Some form of "gospel singer Mark Lowry gay" (which sucks cause the entry on Lowry was just a copy/paste of the article and nothing I wrote)
2. "funny astrology" or "funny horoscope" (how boring)
3. Some form of "political pickup lines"
4. "70's tennis player costume" (This one was actually number one for the month of October)
5. Ironically, "search terms that led to my blog" is garnering quite a bit of traffic since my last search terms blog

Doctors and Dentists and Deadlines, Oh My!

So, I have a shit ton o' work to do but I'm taking a break to tell you that I love my doctor. My Primary Care Physician is a super-religious man who doesn't believe in evolution and always cracks at least 5 jokes referencing the age difference between me and hubbie (he's our family doc so he also loves to tease my stepkids by asking about their "new sister" when they go in with their dad...). He also blames everything that ails me on my vegetarianism (or being married to an "old guy"). Some of his jokes are tolerable because they give me a chance to come up with some snarky comeback, displaying my infallible wit (Ha!), and he stares at my boobs a lot (which is funnier than his jokes).

But I can overlook all of his misdiagnoses and pseudo-comedy for the fact that, although his patients typically describe his script writing as "stingy" (to say the least), he never holds out on me when it comes to the good meds. I don't know if it's because I'm so witty or so titty, but I always get the good shit without having to ask. Hell, maybe it's cause I don't ask for it. Whatever. All I know is I had an appointment today to get him to look at my face again (I've had a crazy rash since June, which he has misdiagnosed twice now, bastard) and I walked out of his office with antibiotics (for my impetigo, the latest diagnosis, and I believe the correct one), a hand full of Soma samples (and not like 4 but like 24), and a script for 60 Lortab. Granted, in addition to the Impetigo mess on my face (not the impetigo that has crazy pus-filled blisters, by the way, but the strep strain one, which still looks like shit though not as leprous as the staph one...but I digress), I also mentioned the immense pain caused by throwing my back out last week. It has gotten better than it was (think unrelenting sharp pain when you move and when you're completely still), and I mentioned that it isn't as bad this week, but, like I said, he throws the good shit at me. Maybe he feels sorry for me because he thinks it must suck to have caught "being old and decrepit" from my hubbie (which explains all aches and pains, apparently).

Anyway, just thought I'd brag about my awesome legal stash of drugs. I also went to the dentist to get a replacement crown (my permanent crown, done by a different DDS, recently shattered) and they pulled some strings (aka forged some documents, I think) to get it covered by my insurance (fucking enough with the preexisting condition clauses already). Saved me $800. Today was a good healthcare day, thanks to the health care providers and not the insurance fuckwads, of course.

Oh yeah, and shame on you, Maine. I cried when I heard about your vote to deny legal marriage rights to same-sex couples, even though this basic civil right had already been granted by your state legislators. And I never fucking cry. Just think, if they had let the states vote on slavery and racial equality laws, we'd still have slaves in the South... This is why equality legislation needs to be enacted at the federal level. There are too many small-minded, religious fucks who are stuck in their hateful ways to ever move past this unfair, yet still legal, discrimination present in our state law books.

And, kudos for trying, Washington State, but "separate but equal" is not equal. I mean, personally, if I had fallen for a lady, marriage wouldn't have been a big deal for me. Let the church keep their ancient rites. The institution of marriage is an archaic practice based on religious beliefs anyway. I only got married for the tax breaks (and the life insurance). To me, love doesn't need the constraints of ancient tradition to thrive (monogamy isn't natural, but that's an entirely different blog). Civil unions are alright with me and my hypothetical lady love. I would just want the same legal rights that the privileged heterosexuals get when they get hitched. But, if you are going to do this "separate but equal" crap and turn marriage into this holy grail that cannot be sullied by us dirty homos, then you have made it into what it is. Civil unions for everyone (gay or straight) and let the church perform their marriage ceremonies as a separate entity OR legal marriage for everyone. Love is love is love is love and no one can govern that, no matter how hard you try.

Dick with the Truth Segment: Entertainment?? Really?

So here is my "I can't fucking believe there is an audience for this shit" list:

• The Saw movies (seriously, who the fuck is buying enough tickets to this torture-porn bullshit that could warrant FIVE sequels???)
• Jeff Dunham (A ventriloquist who perpetuates stereotypes about Muslims, African-Americans, the elderly, Latinos, and purple hand puppets with green hair? And he's not funny. Ever. Even if this mega-douche was funny, I couldn't watch his act out of sheer principle.)
• Glenn Beck (Pull the silver spoon out of your ass, you whiny bitch. There's nothing more pathetic than a pasty white 40-something year old man-child who smears vaporub underneath his eyes to get out of being logical. You need a truth enema, asshole.)
• Tyra Banks (Take your cutesy psuedo-feminism and shove it up your "va-jay-jay", please.)
• Rock of Love, all of its spin-offs, Flava-of-Love, that Tila Tequila bullshit...basically everything that is on MTV and VH1 these days. Get a fucking life, people. I can't stand drama in my own life and I sure as hell don't want to watch a bunch of fuck-wads feigning emotional hell on TV either.
• Perez Hilton. Okay, we get it. Your a bitchy, gay latino who loves to hate celebrities and draw penises all over their pictures. Over it. (Props for bringing down that Carrie Prenshaw blowhard though)
• Jennifer Aniston movies (all of them)
• The Blue Collar Comedy Tour (You know you're a redneck if you think this bullshit is funny. Personally, it makes me want to throw myself in front of a speeding Nascar...car. Oh, the redundancy!)
• And finally... All the Fucking Vampire Bullshit!! When did vampires become cool again*?? (*Whether they were ever actually cool is debatable.) Sure, I'll admit, I watched a couple episodes of Buffy here and there (mainly only the ones that centered around that super-hot Faith chick) and The Lost Boys is a classic...But that was over a decade ago!! Jesus, how many different twists can there possibly to a vampire plot? They live forever, suck blood, and you can kill them with wooden stakes if you use nubile teen girls as bait. That's it. Holy fuck.

70's Porn Star Portraying a Tennis Player

So...

I have received around 25 hits in the last 2 weeks from people who googled "70's tennis player costume" so I thought I'd go ahead and post the only pictures that exist from last Halloween that captured me dressed up as a "1970's Porn Star Portraying a Tennis Player". So here you go, in case you need some guidance for your costume. What you can't see are my matching "goldenrod" knee-high socks and boyshorts (goldenrod boyshorts w/burnt orange lining...I don't know how much more 1970 you can get, people!). The shoes were platform slip-on tennis shoes (in the style of Ked, but more ghetto...and w/platform heels, duh.).

From the front (Don't even ask me. All I remember is Amy Winehouse, Tooth Fairy, and Disco Dancing Cocaine O.D. God only knows wtf "Shiny Pants" is supposed to be.)

From the back (yeah, Amy Winehouse lost her cash and ID that night, in case you were wondering)


Be safe and have fun, people.

National Coming Out Day 2009

Hey everybody,

Today is National Coming Out Day and though I have been "out" for around 5 years now, in case you didn't know...I like boys AND girls! Woot!
The way I was raised, to believe that homosexuality is a choice, I never even thought about being attracted to women, yet I was. I remember my first real girl crush, and I even have a video diary entry lamenting over how beautiful and smart and funny she was...but I didn't get it then. I was so head-over-heels for her but I still stated my feelings toward her being "Like being in love but she's a girl so not" or something like that.
All those stereotypically lesbian attributes, that was/is me. I can change my own oil, change a flat tire in less than 5 minutes (in a dress without getting a smudge of grime on more than my fingers, no less), tune-up an American car (I miss you, 85 Dodge Charger and 84 Mustang...), was a tomboy growing up (only girl allowed in the "boy fort"; loved fishing, football, dissecting stuff, throwing worms at girls, and math; taught myself how to pee standing up - I know, TMI...), not overtly emotional, take up lots of "personal space" (e.g. taking up half the park bench when I sit down), competitive, overtly sexual, etc. etc. etc. Maybe these are stereotypes for a reason, although I know plenty of lesbians who have no idea how to even check their car's fluids, are extremely emotional, won't touch a bug, hate sports, and love Sex & the City (I know, I've dated them...Ha!).
I've always been attracted to women. Naked women have always turned me on more than men. I remember getting drunk at 19 with my ex-boyfriend and "hitting the club" where apparently I kept flirting with girls and telling them how pretty they were, warranting my ex's friends to tell him they thought I had "lesbian tendencies". I dismissed it at the time but soon realized the truth...I do have lesbian tendencies. Ha.
So from the age of 19 years, I've claimed that when it comes to having a romantic connection with someone, I won't discriminate against age, sex, or race. I'm an equal opportunity lover!
So, there. Yours truly is a big, fat bi-sexual and I will never be ashamed of my love for the ladies (and the menfolks).

Happy Coming Out Day to all of you "first-timers". I hope you get the respect and acceptance that we all deserve.

-Me

Bi-Pride (he he)

Dilemma Solved!!

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Best Halloween Costume Ever!!

Costume Dilemma

So, I'm having a hard time coming up with a good costume idea for Halloween this year. Since 2002, I have used decades as themes for my costume (mostly).

• 2002 - 50's housewife (vintage sweater, pearls, skirt, hair flip bob thing)
• 2003 - 80's prom date (that shouldn't need describing ha)
• 2004 - 60's movie star incognito (fancy dress, "diamonds", trench coat, Audrey Hepburn scarf, giant sunglasses)
• 2005 - Geisha (Not part of the theme. An anomaly that got me a date with a hot chick.)
• 2006 - Slutty Dorothy (Also not part of the theme but I did it for G, who had to be the Tin Man at work)
• 2007 - Drapes (hahaha. I was broke so I wore a dress I already owned that was made out of material that resembled drapery and bought a $7 dollar curtain rod. Talk about creative. hahaha)
• 2008 - 70's porn star playing a tennis player (bad ass slutty 70's tennis dress - the inspiration for this costume, tennis racket, matching knee highs and "boyshorts", white platform sneakers, wrist bands, rainbow addidas tennis headband)

Anyway, I'm having a hard time coming up with some other decade-themed costume. It's gotta be gayborhood block party friendly. Maybe I should just hit some thrift stores until I find some inspiration. I was thinking 40's pin up girl but it's so cliche. Maybe 90's rock star's crackwhore wife (inspired by Courtney, of course) or 80's high school bad girl (complete with Whitesnake acid wash denim jacket). Any ideas? I'm almost ready to throw in the towel on the decade theme and just go with Princess Leia like the total nerd that I am.

You Are, It's True

Fuck you, flu. Just when I thought we were done for good, my fever comes back today and I'm quarantined in my bedroom again. *Sigh* At least I was able to hijack the laptop and I still have the special features from I Love You, Man to watch (so hilarious). Too bad I have a shit ton of work to do this weekend/beginning of next week. Not to mention the Cowboys are playing the Panthers Monday night and I really wanted to hit the bar to watch it after my Bioethics class lets out. Should be an easy win (knock on wood) and I'll be getting rowdy (translation, DH won't appreciate me watching the game at home). Hopefully this Tamiflu won't let me down and I'll be back up to 100% by Monday.

Happy Anniversary to Me (and DH).

So, it's DH & me's 2nd wedding anniversary today. The kids gave us the gift of H1N1 to share tonight. So thoughtful of them. Nothing sets the mood for love like using all of your energy to fight the urge to vomit. So much for badass anniversary sex. *sigh*

Anyway, we are watching movies and laying pitifully on the couch to celebrate our 2 years of surviving marriage. Here is a smattering of photos from that big day, Sept. 23, 2007, dedicated to my dear husband, DH.

"Primpin" before the show

"Gartering Up" (It had a holster and a tiny pistol. Best garter ever.)

First kiss. Check out our hippy-dippy wedding party. Haha. Jed* was our "pastor" and the vows were taped into the "Kama Sutra for Women" (that was Leslie's* idea and the only person who didn't know in the wedding party was DH. Jed opened the book up to some racy pictures at the "altar" before we exchanged vows and DH cracked up. It was awesome.)

Bride & Groom moonlighting as wedding singers

Seranading my new hubby

Woot! Happy Anniversary, baby.

Who says academia can't be sexy?

Today, someone asked me, "What's up with the Hustler shirt?" that I was wearing. A witty comeback like, "Oh, it came with my subscription," would have been awesome but the question caught sleep-deprived me by surprise and, of course, a clever retort didn't pop into my head until way later. Instead of a nice sarcastic, "Oh, yeah. They give me these whenever I finish a photo shoot," I just blushed. The literal answer would be that Larry Flynt is a feminist and Hustler, preferably the Canadian version, is the only "mainstream" porn I can buy w/out feeling like a bad feminist or driving all the way to the xxx store. Oh yeah, and the shirt was $2 at the thrift store. Ha.

It has been a long and busy start to the semester. All my classes are going well. Cognitive Psych is maybe my favorite class that I have taken thus far. I have multiple nerd-gasms during each lecture. It's so fascinating. The time flies by. My lab partner (cute outdoorsy chick that I was in 3 classes with last semester) and I both groan in disappointment when each class ends. It really is that interesting. Plus, I don't know what people are talking about when they say Dr. RH is a bitch. Sure, she expects her students to attend class, pay attention during lecture, read the textbook, and at least make an effort to do well but I have had nothing but good experiences with her thus far.

Speaking of, after learning about my career goals/interests in working with veterans with PTSD Dr. RH let me know that she had done some research in grad school with vets who had PTSD so I met with her on Monday to ask her about her experiences in more detail. We had a really good conversation. Turns out her dad, husband, and son were/are in the military (her son just got back from Iraq) and so we talked about our personal experiences with our family members who have served. She's a first-generation college student like me, is homeschooling her daughter (and homeschooled her son) like I plan on doing (or rather my house-husband aspiring husband will mostly do), and we are very similar in our passion for psychology and intrinsic motivation for learning. She had some really great advice on grad school, becoming a professor, working with military service men/women in research, etc. I have to admit, it feels really great to get along so well with someone that everyone else greatly admires (and fears).

The research project that I'm working on with Dr. A is going through it's 3rd (and hopefully final) IRB evaluation. The IRB (institutional review board) at SCU is ridiculously strict. I'm not going to bore you with the details of what they have asked us to change before resubmitting our study for approval, but lets just say they are acting like our survey asks participants graphically detailed questions about past sexual abuse (it doesn't...nothing even close).

Other than that, it's going great. Preliminary research is done. Lit review outline is done. Survey is up on the survey host website and ready to go once we get approval to start recruiting participants. Dr. A and I work together well (so far and from my perspective anyway). ;) I set tomorrow aside to start writing the lit review. I can't wait to start analyzing data. Goddamn litigious society.

I saw super-ridiculously hot grad student who taught the Abnormal Psych class I took last semester. She stopped by to say hi while I was in Dr. A's office for a project meeting today. We hugged (she touched me...*sigh*). Haha. She's so sweet. We got along really well last semester and kept in touch over the summer. I gave her a bunch of info on some stuff we're both interested in and links to great teaching resources last semester and she talks to/treats me like an equal. We're supposed to get together for coffee soon. We have freakishly similar personality traits, demeanor and interests. The way she utilized her personality in the classroom is what made me realize I could teach. Oh yeah, and she's so hot. And not just "hot for a professor (or I guess in her case, grad teaching assistant)" but "stranger who stops you in your tracks as she walks by" hot. But I digress...

My Cowboys won against the Buccaneers Sunday, which made me a very happy J. I went over to Jed's* to watch the game on his mega-screen. DH came over a little later with the kids to hang out with Leslie*. Jed & Leslie are our (DH & me) "couple best friends," if that makes sense. Anyway, someone was asking me why my hubbie didn't watch the game with me. I told him that DH doesn't like to watch football. This Cretan said, "What?? Well, he must not be a real man if he doesn't watch football!" I looked Mr. Gender-Role Compliance in the face and replied, "I didn't know watching football is what makes you a man. Maybe I should let my vagina know about this." He looked pretty horrified. I don't know if it was because everyone else laughed or because I said "vagina" instead of something else to describe my female-ness (ha!).

Anyway, until the next time I can't sleep but am too tired to do anything other than ramble on and on...

It takes courage to enjoy it. The hardcore and the gentle, big time sensuality.
-Bjork

-Me

*Names have been changed to protect anonymity.

Are you ready for some football??

Tomorrow marks the first regular season game for the Dallas Cowboys. I am so excited. Every year, after the Superbowl ends, I slip into a slight depression that slowly lifts the closer and closer we get to the first day of the NFL regular season.

My husband does not share this exuberant anticipation with me. Poor hubby has tried, with valor, to share my love of the sport with me. I have politely asked him to give up on this commendable effort, though I do appreciate it.

You see, my hubby does not enjoy watching team sports at all. He especially doesn't enjoy football. He doesn't know the rules (which always fascinates me since he played football in high school and I've explained them to him over and over and over again), he thinks it's unnecessarily violent, and he thinks the games are sexist sporting events that exploit women and perpetuate the "masculinity myth" (I never should've made him watch Tough Guise).

Yet, he has made a good effort to watch the games with me in the past 3-4 years. What ends up happening though is he either falls asleep, asks me questions about the rulings the entire time, or talks through the game but watches the commercials (esp. during the Superbowl). So I told him I appreciate the effort, but no offense, I'm going to watch the games with Jef this year.

He was relieved. *Phew* He did tease me and say, "Men who love sports cheat on their wives with women who love sports." I replied with, "Maybe women who love sports cheat on their husbands with men who love sports." He paused and then glared at me.

I love my wife. ;)

Going 70mph in a 20mph School Zone

God, this weekend went by way too fast. This semester is going to go by really fast, I can tell that much already. I always do best under pressure, though, so I'm not stressed. I'm going to bitch about it anyway. Funny how I bitch about not being busy enough and then bitch about being too busy. I doubt a happy medium exists for me.

I loooooove CogPsych. Fascinating, fascinating shit. Last semster I took PhysioPsych, which focused on the physiological mechanisms behind mental processes. CogPsych builds on my knowledge of the anatomy/function of the brain with detail about the mental processes themselves. I will be getting my Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology but Cognitive, Experimental, and Neuro Psychology are all so fascinating. I wish I could just stay in school and get 5 doctorates...

We did have to do some silly exercises in CogLab today though. We had to run through some traffic cone mazes that Dr. RH set up outside. We were supposed to be role playing the "Tolman rats." Then, once back inside, we had to role play action potentials along axons. I got to be the terminal button. I decided to release dopamine.

Oh my god. I am such a fucking nerd.

My labor day weekend was filled with a friend's daughter's first birthday party (babies discovering cake = cute moments hall of fame), reading approximately 25 empirical studies/lit reviews, and doing online CogLab activities. Unfortunately, no beer was consumed. I will make up for this during the first regular season game on Sunday (Go Cowboys!!).

Oh! Oh! A new Michael Moore movie is coming out on October 2nd. I just saw the commercial during one of my Law & Order indulgences (I <3 Goldblum). Anyway, there have been so many movies that have come out recently that I've sworn I'd go see but didn't (e.g. Funny People, District 9, Extract - mmmmm, Jason Bateman...). But Capitalism: A Love Story must be seen opening night.

Speaking of movies, is it just me of should "Love Happens" be renamed to "Another Shitty Jennifer Aniston Romance Movie Happens"?

Insomnia

It sucks when you finish studying at a point in the evening at which it is too late to take your Ambien. *sigh* It's time to get used to morning classes again. It's not that I mind getting up early when I get a good night's sleep... I just so rarely get to sleep before 4AM...

Boo.

New Semester and Blogging Controversy

I know it has been a while, 2 people who read my blog, but I only had 2 weeks of actual summer so my first priority was not sitting at the computer and trying to be witty.

The Fall semester started on Monday. I already love all of my classes.

I'm taking History of Modern Science from a professor who believes in science above all else, like me, and is also really funny. It's not a class in my major, but it will be fun (unlike all of the non-major classes I took for my Ass Degree).

The professor for Experimental Psych is a "heart-throb" according to all of the ladies in my class. So his code-name this semester is "Dr. Heart Throb" or "Dr. HT". He's funny and the class is interesting but I don't think I would describe Dr. HT as a heart throb myself. But what do I know? I'm in love with Keith Olbermann.

The professor for Cognitive Psych looks like she uses the exact same hair dye that I do so I'll call her "Dr. Red Hair" or "Dr. RH". She's a total bad ass. Really knows her shit and doesn't let people get away with being lazy ass snowflakes. This makes sense, as it is a senior level class and required for those on the Grad School track so she has to weed out the losers, yet I keep hearing what a "bitch" she is. When students around campus tell me that Prof. So-and-So is a bitch or "way hard", I immediately sign up for his or her class as it means that Prof. So-and-So will actually challenge me academically. I'm pretty sure the opposite is also true. If I tell someone to avoid a class because the "professor" (usually a grad student) is a dumbass, all the lazy students immediately sign up for the class because it means you really aren't going to have to actively learn anything. But I digress...

I have a Bioethics class this semester too but the first one was canceled and it is a once a week Monday class so I won't know what the professor is like until the 14th.

I have my first meeting with Dr. A tomorrow for the research project I'm assisting him with. I'm so excited! I can't wait to get started. Plus, Dr. A is a badass.

Oh, there was some fairly recent controversy over some stories on my blog being "made up." Frankly, if you can't tell when I'm making something up to be funny versus telling a funny story that actually happened to me, then you don't deserve to know. Those who know me well know when I'm kidding. Plus, this is my blog, on which I post commentary and jokes, updates and fantasies, all of which came from my sick and twisted mind. That should be enough to make it real. Otherwise, why does it matter? If it made you laugh, my job is done.
Al Franken had this same problem, which he addressed in "The Truth (with jokes)":

After my last book, some of younger and/or less bright readers complained that
they couldn't tell when I was joking and when I was merely reporting true things
in a comedic manner.

The only difference between Franken and I is that he went on to inform his readers of when he was joking or not joking. I am not that nice. Plus, I'm not being paid to write this blog, so I don't have to worry about confusing my readers.

So, there!

Non-Traditional Gender Roles

Honey, please don't make fun of me for yelling at the tv during the game. I am well aware of the fact that they can't hear me. Besides, I don't make fun of you for crying during your Sex and the City dvd marathons. And yes, Shoeface's voice overs do really make me want to drive a fork into my own eye.

Olbermann the Bobble Head!!!!!!!!!

If I do not receive this for my birthday (*cough* 11/20 *cough*), then my friends and family will have epically failed:

The Circle of Google

So, after posting the weird, odd and funny search terms on my blog yesterday, someone searching Google for "searchterms" found my blog. Amazing!

Best Google Search Terms That Lead To My Blog

In no particular order, here are the weirdest, funniest, and most random searches that have led to this blog. Each search term is linked to its landing page:

• "gospel singer gay mark lowry"
• "bruno rednecks"
• "feel it all lyrics by margaret becker" - Who? What?
• "fresh air, npr undetected pregnancy"
• "funny horoscopes for 2009"
• "obama not a christian nation" - That's right! I hope they read that entry too.
• "palin daughter willow pregnant" - So awesome!
• "sarah palin sanford affair" - Even more awesome!
• "what is a smilf?"

Anyway, good times. I noticed my tags are kinda all over the place so I'm going to cut them down so it will be easier to navigate my blog entries. Uh, your welcome!

-Me

Blogger Sobriety Test

So, I do this thing when I'm not sober and around a computer. It's called "copy & paste lyrics from songs" and I'm pretty sure that, at the time, I'm trying to be deep and meaningful.

I usually delete these inane blogs the next day but I'm not going to anymore. For one, they still show up in Google Reader. Plus, they're pretty funny, in a ridiculously silly sort of way.

Like, for example, this morning's (or "last night's") lyrics come from a song that I can't get out of my head. "Strange & Beautiful" by Aqualung. It is a pretty deep song and it does hold some meaning for me...

It is the song that I record over and over and over onto multiple cassette tapes, which I then send to Keith Olbermann 3x a week. I thought maybe he'd be inspired by this gesture to lift the restraining order against me but instead he changed the "Can't come within 500 ft." rule to a more restrictive 100 ft.

I mean, what does he really think a silly, obsessed female fan is capable of? Driving across the country in diapers to kidnap his blonde, 25 yr old girlfriend? Sneaking into his apartment to steal his brain to keep in a jar so we can communicate telepathically? I mean, really, Keith. Geez...

Speaking of brains in jars, I figured out what my M.O. would be if I were a serial killer (don't you love the twisted things people who study psychology think upon?).

If I were a serial killer:

• I'd murder college professors, extract their brains and then keep their brains in jars of formaldehyde in my basement so I could feed off of their knowledge
• I would stick wax lips on the jars although they wouldn't need lips because we would only communicate telepathically
• I would be schizophrenic, although the diagnosis wouldn't come until my capture since the schizophrenia only just now developed in my mid-twenties
• "The Man with Two Brains" with Steve Martin was my favorite movie as a child

So, that thought came to me the other day and I thought I'd share. If someone steals this idea for a movie or an episode of Law & Order: CI, I will sue that person for millions, so don't even think about it.

Strange & Beautiful

I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart,
Unseen.

To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and
I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realize

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, that waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see

-Aqualung

Academic Dreams About Holding a "Stimulating" Conversation

Last night I dreamt about someone whom I admire greatly. But instead of a normal sex dream, I dreamt about talking to this person for hours. Literally, all night long, I dreamt about talking to someone that I find attractive.

I think my brain needs to get laid. Has it really been that long since I've had intellectual intercourse?

Taking Advantage of My Husband's Former Life

Guess who's on the Toadies' backstage guestlist again for Dia De Los Toadies, Part Deux...

Yeah, that's right, bee-yotches. Revel in my "cool by association-ness."

The line-up this year is waaaaay better than last year's. Got some Ben Kweller action to look forward to. And to think, this time last year I had never seen the Toadies live before.

*Sigh* Being a former rockstar's wife is kinda awesome sometimes.

Eat a Bag o' Dicks

So, recently a nosy classmate asked me how I did on a freshly graded test. When I told her, she asked me, "What? I got a D. How did you get an A?"

I looked around to make sure no one was listening, leaned in and dramatically whispered, "I have a copy of the answers for all of the tests in this class."

Her eyes widened and she whispered back, "Holy shit... Where did you get them? Can I buy them from you?"

I looked at her with the most ernestly faked expression of confusion and asked, "I got them at the bookstore. Don't you have them, too?" as I pointed to the textbook sitting in front of her.

No wonder I never get invited to parties. Ha.

Yes, I really joined twitter.

I've officially sold my soul to technology by joining Twitter today. Just search for politicalsexpot to follow me. All the random blurbs that don't make it to my blog will be on twitter for your entertainment and/or disdain.

*Defeated sigh*

All the tequila...

Too many margaritas on Wed = Incredibly sluggish Thursday.

Ugh.

Slavery and the Bible, Part 1: A Dick with the Truth Segment

So, I feel like bursting some bubbles today, so we are going to look at what the Christian bible says about slavery. Specifically I want to point out what God/Jesus/people speaking for God/Jesus have to say on the matter. I will include all of the bible verses, instead of just cherry-picking the ones that would be most effective in face-rubbing, like Christians often do.

Anything in brackets [like this] is my interjected input.



It begins in Exodus 21 with a "slave rulebook" of sorts.

• 21:2-6 - If you buy a Hebrew servant, he shall serve six years; and in the seventh he shall go out free and pay nothing. If he comes in by himself, he shall go out by himself; if he comes in married, then his wife shall go out with him. If his master has given him a wife, and she has borne him sons or daughters, the wife and her children shall be her master’s, and he shall go out by himself. But if the servant plainly says, ‘I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free,’ then his master shall bring him to the judges. He shall also bring him to the door, or to the doorpost, and his master shall pierce his ear with an awl; and he shall serve him forever. (NKJV)
  --So, if you have a 7-year slave and he gets married while he's your slave, then the slave's wife and any children she may have had now belong to the slave-owner forever. Nice family values!


• 21:7-11 - And if a man sells his daughter to be a female [sex] slave, she shall not go out as the male slaves do [no release after 6 years; sex slaves are slaves for life]. If she does not please her master, who has betrothed her to himself [bible-speak for "fucked her"], then he shall let her be redeemed. He shall have no right to sell her to a foreign people, since he has dealt deceitfully with her. And if he has betrothed her to his son, he shall deal with her according to the custom of daughters. If he takes another wife, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, and her marriage rights [sex]. And if he does not do these three for her, then she shall go out free, without paying money. (NKJV)
  --So, daughters can be sold, by their fathers, into sexual slavery. I would assume against their will since they have no say in the matter. And as long as the sex slave-owner keeps her fed, clothed and sexed up, she gets to be his "slave for life". I'm so glad so many people use the bible as a moral guidebook!


• 21:20-21 - And if a man beats his male or female servant with a rod, so that he dies under his hand, he shall surely be punished. Notwithstanding, if he remains alive a day or two, he shall not be punished; for he is his property. (NKJV)
  --So beating your slaves is A-OK with God as long as you don't actually kill them right away. Although, to be fair, other translations vary by saying "gets up after a day or two" (NIV) and "recovers within a day or two" (NLT) instead of "if he remains alive a day or two" (NKJV). So if the slave recovers from the beating after a couple of days then the slave-owner is cool in God's eyes according to the other translations. How merciful!


• 21:26-27 - If a man strikes the eye of his male or female servant, and destroys it, he shall let him go free for the sake of his eye. And if he knocks out the tooth of his male or female servant, he shall let him go free for the sake of his tooth.
  --Hey, if you knock out a tooth or put out an eye, your slave can go free, so better aim for the torso. No laws about breaking ribs!

Now in Deuteronomy 15, Exodus 21:2-6 is basically repeated, except in the Deut. version, a woman can also count in the first category of 6-year slaves. So maybe they "misspoke" or "misinterpreted" or just changed their minds about the whole women are slaves for life in the Exodus law.

I'll continue being a total dick (with the truth, mind you) later on. This is getting pretty long. We'll look at the rest of the Old Testament next time.

Until then,

-Me

The Wall

So, my husband was pretty appalled to learn that I had yet to see Pink Floyd's "The Wall" so we just watched it. Cut me some slack. DH was 13 when it came out. I was -2.

Anyway, that was some heavy shit, man. I feel sorry for the people who were like, "Hey, let's go see that Pink Floyd movie after we drop some acid, dude." That could do some serious damage...or at the very least, discourage all future LSD use.

I'm going to have to detox with some Dread Zeppelin before I go to sleep.

"What about the unborn?!?!"

So, I'm still watching the Sotomayor hearing (although I will admit I did fall asleep a couple of times...). Something baffled me about the question posed by the two protesters who interrupted the precedings this morning. "What about the unborn?" was the question cried out by two separate entities who were in attendance today.

What about the unborn? That's a good question. You got me, guys. What about 'em? I'm pretty sure that Sotomayor's affirmation into the Supreme Court has NOTHING to do with the "unborn" fetuses of America. There are no court cases before the Supreme Court, or that are due to go before the Supreme Court, that have anything to do with abortion. Or prenatal care. Or fetuses in general. So what the fuck do the "unborn" have to do with this preceding? Hmmm??? I'm pretty sure Roe v. Wade isn't going to be overturned because some assholes interrupted this Senate hearing. So, what about the unborn, huh?

That is all.

Sonya, Bruno, Bill, and me

Last night, I saw Bruno. So awesome and I highly recommend it. I laughed out loud from the very beginning to the very end. Brilliant, of course! Though, the other people in the movie theatre may not have been the brightest crayons in the box...After the movie, one woman was overheard saying, "It took me about 40 minutes to warm up to it. I was a lot more comfortable after they started the gay-bashing." WHAT?? Were we in the same movie, lady? Because it was funny from the first scene and there was only gay-basher-bashing, making fun of the hicks who bash gays, like you. Bah! Oh well, I'm in a red state and I can't expect everyone to be well-bred around here. If I had a "Worst Persons" bit, like KO, that lady would be "Worser" today.

After the movie (and a couple shared pitchers of beer - movie taverns are the best!), DH and I went home and watched my Bill Hicks dvd. Ah, I miss that man. Bill Hicks was truly a badass in every sense of the word. So many of his political bits are quite salient for today's political environment, 15 years later. Plus, picturing the Beatles trying to peel Ringo Starr off of the ceiling to record "Yellow Submarine" always leaves me in stitches..."They were real fuckin' high."

I'm actually up early this morning after a good night's sleep! Usually, I'm still trying to go to sleep at this point. I wanted to watch the Sonya Sotomayor hearing this morning though, although I probably could have slept for another 2 hours since they are still going through the "introductory commentaries". She looks as bored as everyone who is watching must be! I can't tell if the look of pain on her face is due to having to sit through the Senatorial blah-blah-blahs or due to her broken ankle. I'm guessing it's the speeches.

I got my grades back from the Summer I session. A's in both classes. There's no way I'm going to take 2 Summer classes during the same 4-week session ever again. That was a TERRIBLE idea and if I want to get some classes done over the summer again, I will space them out. Like Summer II, which starts today. I've decided to only take 1 easy class, 1/2 online 1/2 on campus, which I predict will not be nearly as stressful and I may actually have somewhat of a personal life this month. That would be nice...

Well, good luck, Sonya Sotomayor, though I don't think you'll need it. You got this in the bag, girlfriend!

I dream of Jenny Lewis

I didn't want to wake up this morning. I was having sweet and lovely dreams about Jenny Lewis. *sigh* I know some of my other lady(and guy) friends know what I mean. In case you aren't hip to Jenny, here is a short video I took last time she was in town. I took lots more but I don't have time to sit here while they upload. :-p So sexy and delicious...

Here are some pictures I took:

And here are some pictures by Hal Samples for the Dallas Observer (see them all here):

The photographer may have had the same thing on his mind that I did... ;)

Partisan Pick-Up Lines

Well, Summer I is over. I would be out celebrating right now but instead I'm home and sick and pouting.

So, you all will probably hear from me a lot this weekend, since I won't be going anywhere unless I randomly recover very quickly.

So here are some pick-up lines you can use next time you are at a partisan party, convention, or fundraiser.

Democrats/Liberals:

• "Can I smoke your cigar?"
• "Want to come back to my place and not have sexual relations with each other?"
• "My heart almost stopped bleeding when you walked into the room."
• "I voted for Obama."
• "Want to see my new anti-war/Bush/Palin/Cheney T-shirt?"

Republicans/Conservatives:

• "I've had a vasectomy."
• "You remind me of a pitbull....with lipstick."
• "I voted for McCain."
• "I voted for Bush. Twice."
• "Want to introduce your Dick to my Bush?" (I'm sorry. I couldn't resist...)
• "Condoms are overrated."
• "Want to go to Argentina this weekend? I get the Sanford discount on travel expenses."
• *Taps foot against foot of person in the adjoining toilet stall*

These are guaranteed* to work at your next Partisan Event.

*Guarantee expires on July 9, 2009

Funny Astrology Indulgence & KO and Rachel Maddow Return...Finally!

So, I get bombarded with horoscope emails daily. Every so often, I'll open one up for a laugh. Here's my "overview" for today.

I think this one is telling me to have a threesome. Sweet!!
These are the times that try your soul, because deciding between the interests of your dear ones and the demands of your libido won't be an easy thing to negotiate. Ah, well. If all else fails, including the mediation of an impartial third party, take a good, long time-out.

And I came down with Strep throat today...I'd say this is creepy if it wasn't for the 60 million other Scorpios who are also probably sick and freaking out over this one.
Your first impulse will be to ignore it and bravely go on. Don't. Epic sagas aren't written about someone who was cranky from the flu. Go home. Tend to yourself.

Anyway, just thought I'd share. Took my first final this morning. Got an A in the class (Tests & Measurements). Have to get a 77/100 on my Mod Political Thought final tomorrow to make an A in that class so I'm golden. I'm never taking 2 Summer session classes simultaneously AGAIN.

I forgot to mention, Keith O and Rachel Maddow are back from vacation so I can start watching cable news again. For my sake, please never, ever take vacations at the same time, guys. That was torture...There was no one else to revel in Palin stepping down as Governor, no one to countdown Worst Persons, no one to make all the same political jokes that I made 2 days prior... Anyway, I'm glad you're both back!

I'm So Tired, My Mind Is On The Blink

*Sigh* It would be lovely if I could be sleeping right now, but my insomnia doesn't seem to be sensitive to the fact that I have a final in 6 hours. So much for storing the 7 hours of studying I did today in my long term memory. At least the test is all cued recall multiple choice questions...all 150 of them! :-p

Summer I is over on Friday. Summer II starts on Monday, so this weekend is going to be my "krunk" weekend since I won't have any assignments or reading to do. Which really means I'll finish my leisure reading, watch the movies I rented last week, get my car inspection done, catch up on housework, play with Banana Mouse, and drink 8.75 beers.

The boys leave for Central America on Sunday with DH's baby-mama, so it will be pretty quiet around the house for the next month. Maybe I'll be able to work on my painting some. Maybe DH and I will make it to the July vc party for some adult-oriented weekend fun. Who knows. Probably I'll just be studying, volunteering, and wasting copious amounts of time playing Tetris on my phone while listing to Mothership on repeat.

Well, I'm going to try to induce some sleep with my Mother's Day bath salts. G'night.

Been Dazed and Confused for so long it's not true.
Wanted a woman, never bargained for you.

Independence Day 2009: Wisdom From Our Founding Fathers

Happy Independence Day!

I thought it would be fitting to share some of my favorite quotes from our founding fathers to celebrate this July 4th.

"The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion."
-John Adams, Treaty of Tripoli, Article 11

"I almost shudder at the thought of alluding to the most fatal example of the abuses of grief which the history of mankind has preserved -- the Cross. Consider what calamities that engine of grief has produced!"
-John Adams, Letter to Thomas Jefferson

"The Doctrine of the divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity."
-John Adams

"Dunghill."
-Jefferson's Word for the Bible

"The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his father, in the womb of a virgin, will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter."
-Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson's Bible

"I have examined all the known superstitions of the world, and I do not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and mythology. Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined and imprisoned. What has been the effect of this coercion? To make one half of the world fools and the other half hypocrites; to support roguery and error all over the earth."
-Thomas Jefferson

"Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear....Do not be frightened from this inquiry by any fear of its consequences. If it end in a belief that there is no God, you will find incitements to virtue on the comfort and pleasantness you feel in its exercise and in the love of others which it will procure for you."
-Thomas Jefferson

"Christianity...[has become] the most perverted system that ever shone on man....Rogueries, absurdities and untruths were perpetrated upon the teachings of Jesus by a large band of dupes and importers led by Paul, the first great corrupter of the teaching of Jesus."
-Thomas Jefferson

"They [preachers] dread the advance of science as witches do the approach of daylight and scowl on the fatal harbinger announcing the subversions of the duperies on which they live."
-Thomas Jefferson

"The Christian god can easily be pictured as virtually the same god as the many ancient gods of past civilizations. The Christian god is a three headed monster; cruel, vengeful and capricious. If one wishes to know more of this raging, three headed beast-like god, one only needs to look at the caliber of people who say they serve him. They are always of two classes; fools and hypocrites. To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical."
-Thomas Jefferson

"Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble enterprise..."
-James Madison

"I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of....Each of those churches accuse the other of unbelief; and of my own part, I disbelieve them all."
-Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason, Pg. 89

"The most detestable wickedness, the most horrid cruelties, and the greatest miseries that have afflicted the human race have had their origin in this thing called revelation, or revealed religion."
-Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason

"Those who preach the doctrine of loving their enemies are in general the greatest prosecutors, and they act consistently by so doing; for the doctrine is hypocritical, and it is natural that hypocrisy should act the reverse of what it preaches."
-Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason

"Accustom a people to believe that priests and clergy can forgive sins ... and you will have sins in abundance. I would not dare to dishonor my Creator's name by [attaching] it to this filthy book [the Bible]."
-Thomas Paine

"Of all the animosities which have existed among mankind, those which are caused by difference of sentiments in religion appear to be the most inveterate and distressing, and ought most to be deprecated."
-George Washington, Letter to Edward Newenham, 1792

"...I beg you be persuaded that no one would be more zealous than myself to establish effectual barriers against the horrors of spiritual tyranny, and every species of religious persecution."
-George Washington, Letter to United Baptist Churches of Virginia, 1789

And quite possibly my favorite quote: "The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason."
- Benjamin Franklin

Hopefully you can all enjoy your hot dogs and fireworks with a little more freedom today, now knowing that our Founding Fathers did NOT establish this country on Judeo-Christian values!!

Yes, I know...I am a dick. ;) But I'm a dick with the truth!

Damn, it feels good to be a [Liberal]

Another victory! So much good news for the Left this week!

Sarah Palin just announced that she will not be running for re-election. In fact, she is STEPPING DOWN as the Governor of Alaska. I think this may be the best decision she's ever made as a politician. She has yet to inform the public as to why she is committing political suicide.

I predict that she will come out saying that "God" told her to step down or that her family is more important right now or something along those lines.

I also predict that the real scandal that inspired her to make such a drastic move will be revealed by Tuesday of next week.

Anyone of the following scandals would suffice: Palin Vs. McCain staff; more details on her non-ethical deeds as governor; affair with S. Carolina Governor Mark Sanford; Sarah Palin affair with Bristol's baby-daddy; Todd Palin is the father of Bristol's baby; Daughter Willow, 14, is pregnant (gotta love abstinence only sex ed!); Sarah Palin's college lesbian experimentation pictures are released.

Gotta love them Republicans! They are just so filled with juicy scandals this year...What's next? We've had 2 extra-marital affairs by Republican officials, a Minnesota Republican congresswoman claiming the census is a government conspiracy, a Missouri Republican representative claiming children should be allowed to go hungry so they'll be "motivated" to work... All in one week! What an awesome example of morality the GOP is setting for our country.

And what a beautiful week for the Democrats. You couldn't make up better stories than these to discredit the Right!

I normally don't take pleasure in the downfall of other human beings, but when these human beings are trying to dictate my personal life and then committing the "sins" they themselves have been condemning, it is hard not to find a little pleasure in the publicized hypocrisy. Kinda like when Ted Haggard, my favorite evangelical gay-basher, being caught with gay prostitutes and meth...this sort of ironic justice makes it hard not to smile inside.

KO is a sugah-daddy

*sigh*

So, I googled Keith Olbermann tonight. Partly because I have an unhealthy obsession with him and partly because it is helping me procrastinate (I should be writing a paper). Amid the hotness that are his headshots, I found out that he:

1. was born in 1959, making him 10 years older than my hubby (I had guesstimated maybe 2-3 years tops).
2. his girlfriend is my age (50/2) and HOT.

This leads me to believe that dreams really do come true. And I'm not the only 20-something year old to lust after KO.

Oh yeah, GO AL FRANKEN!!! Woot!

60 Senate Seats = It's our turn now, bitches!

Mr. Deity

So, DH found some gold on the Skeptic website today. Mr. Deity. I ended up watching every episode instead of working on my Kinky Friedman power point. But each episode is only 2-5 minutes long so it's not really that taxing.

Anyway, I know that I rarely watch videos online that people recommend in their blogs, but this is really worth it. Here is the last episode (season 3 episode 2) from their website. It's sacrilegiously delicious!

Regina Spektor

I'm in no way an expert on music. I depend on my friends who are music experts to tell me what is worth listening to. Ha. But I know this is some good shit. And I love Regina Spektor wholly. So here is her new video and below it I put an old favorite of mine also by her.

No Special Rights For Christians!

Something about the town I live in really pisses me off.

Sunday is my day of the week to run errands (and it used to be my day to work a double not too long ago). On Sundays, in my town and the next one over (where I used to work and now usually run my errands), I get stopped by traffic-directing law enforcement officers for 5-20 minutes at 3 different points on my commute. This made me late to work almost every Sunday, even if I added the expected time I'd be sitting in this unnecessary traffic. And it is definitely an inconvenience that usually incites road rage for me almost weekly now. The unavoidable road where this occurs is a 55 mph farm road with one lane going each way. The establishments who get this kind of special treatment? Churches.

My tax dollars are being spent to make church-going more convenient for the people attending. The traffic in front of the church is not dangerous, nor inconvenient, for those already on the road. It is only inconvenient for the church-goers to have to wait their god-damn turn to enter traffic from the church parking lot. How is this not infringing on my right to an expedient commute? So, just because I don't attend church, is my time less important?

In addition, this is not a volunteer post by the police department. I know a couple of the guys who get put on "traffic control" duty. There are always two paid officers at each location, directing traffic when church lets out, stopping those on the road to let all the church-goers out of their parking lot.

I'm sorry, but when does being a church-going Christian gain special privileges and protection paid for by the government? How can you bitch about being "persecuted" and "held down" by the same institution that literally stops traffic to give you the "right-of-way?" Don't even get me started on your protest of the "special rights and protections" that the "privileged" LGBT community is asking for. You know, like the right that everyone else has to get married and protection against hate crimes. Except the "special privileges" you decry are actually equal rights and protections that should cover all citizens, while blocking traffic so you can get your 9 1/2 screaming children to Chili's in time for lunch specials is most definitely a "special privilege" that no one (in their right mind anyway) would categorize to be an inalienable right.

I have an idea. Why don't you use some of your famous "Christian patience" and wait your eff-ing turn. Hey, maybe if you pray hard enough, God will open the roads up like he parted the Red Sea for Moses! Then my tax money can go to something actually beneficial to the community, like fixing the god-damn road you are so desparate to get onto and paying the police department to protect our citizens (all of them) from actual danger.

The "King of Pop" Died Today

Michael Jackson

August 29, 1958 - June 25, 2009

Rest In Peace

People Who Can't Spell On How Not Sexy I Am

I'm so excited...I've inspired someone to post on a Pennsylvania politics forum about how not sexy I am. The post was titled "Political Sexpot (or not)" and this "Nixon2012" dude told me to "google 'sarah palin' and 'jeans'" to see what a real "amerian woman looks like". No joke, you guys. He actually spelled American like that! The lack of upper-case letters is all "Nixon2012", too.

I'm guessing he really loved my Palin-inspired, "elitist" tagline for my blog.

I know I'm doing my job when I piss off people who can't spell "American". I think this makes up for all the comments my readers have been not writing. ;)

God, I love the internet. What could be better than free porn, social networking, cyber-stalking-made-easy, and political discourse (even if you can't spell!).

Being Amerian is fun.


P.S. The post has been knocked out of the forum (they only keep an archive up to a certain amount of posts) but if you google it, you can read the first line... :-p

Free Show

So, the "new" dress I got at the thrift store this weekend...turns out it is see-thru. I did not notice this until, wearing said dress, I was walking to class this morning. It is moments like these that really test your confidence. Your welcome, students and faculty of SCU.

At least I can hide in the library for the rest of the day...

Smart Women Are Sexy

I just found out I'm on the Dean's List for the Spring '09 Semester. That's right, bitches! I'm awesome!

Spring '08 - President's List (at the Community College I got my Associate's at)
Fall '09 - President's List (CC)
Spring '09 - Dean's List (SCU)

I'm rocking the world of academia. Woot!

Bible Dinos update

Oh yeah, and for those of you who are curious about that Bible Dino dvd...it was put on by Jerry Fuckface and the host (or "lecturer") was that Australian dude with the "creationism museum" that features sculptures of dinosaurs hanging out with humans (aka building of lies).

Ana Marie Cox...I love you...

So here is the video I promised from The Rachel Maddow Show last night featuring my new soul mate, Ana Marie Cox. She's actually wearing a Dr. Suess T-shirt under her suit jacket. *Sigh* I'm in love.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

My newest soul mate

I saw my soul mate on Rachel Maddow last night. She joked that the only news worthy thing about Senator Ensign's affair was the fact that a Republican actually got someone to sleep with him. I'll post the video clip later. I'm in love!

The Bible Explains Dinosaurs

So, this was nestled amongst the documentaries and NOVA science specials at the library:

I had to see it since the box is so mysterious (basically, a piece of printer paper). I bet someone just slipped it in there as a "ministry tool". Either way, you know it has to be entertaining... I'll let you know how it goes!

P.S. I really do have some awesome blogs stored away in my "noggin" but have been crazy busy with school (Daft Punk "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" is my summer theme song). I did get a 98 on my 4 25-pt essay question ModPoliThought midterm yesterday though (score!).

Motivation

Sexual desire is by far my greatest motivation (Thanks, hypothalamus and limbic system, for your seemingly non-stop input). I'm not saying that sex is the only thing that motivates me (Sorry, Freud), but it can definitely light a fire under my ass.

A hypothetical situation to help you better understand this concept: I would make the worst spy ever. I would sabotage the first mission assigned to me by using my "spyhood" to pick up potential lovers in this manner: "Hey, can I buy you a drink? *insert small talk here* Well, I can't tell you what I do for a living because I'm in espionage but you seem trustworthy....Want to come up to my room so I can show you the top-secret, classified documents I keep in my panties?"

Anyway, I watched a spy movie over the weekend and this was the conclusion I drew in putting myself in a spy-themed daydream.

I'd curse my double-Scorpio status, but I can't be a very good atheist if I put any stock in astrology. Although, I can say my horoscope is way more entertaining than the bible.

Summer I

Well, my first day of the Summer I semester started today. Both of my classes are awesome. My Psych Tests & Measurements class will be interesting and there are a couple of people from Dr. A's class last semester in it so I have some company. The professor is really sweet and cuts to the chase. I've heard great things about her classes so I'm content.

The professor of my Modern Political Thought class is awesome. He's a huge Obama fan. He asked the class if we knew who Mrs. Sotomayor was and no one could answer so I went ahead and repeated her resume, life story, and position (appellate judge). Am I the only person who listens to NPR?? Ha. He was impressed anyway. The class is going to be so awesome. All we are going to do is discuss political philosophy. I do that in my spare time! He also said he prefers to focus on the discussion aspect of the class and he will give us review sheets for the tests that will cover everything we need to know (in other words, no surprise questions). Sweetness. Tomorrow we are discussing Plato.

I also took advantage of SCU's fitness center finally. I knew if I didn't start today, I'd put it off forever. Dude, they have the most amazing treadmills ever. These fancy machines have built in A/C that you control, Personal TV screen with Cable (I watched Hardball with Chris Matthews while jogging), places to plug in your headphones, music channels, fitness tests, heart-rate monitors, and giant convience containers for water/phones/whatever. I'll go work out just to use these treadmills!

Anyway, it was a productive day. I now must go shower and read 60 pages of Strauss discussing Plato.

-Me

Anarchy on Welfare

I know someone who happens to be a self-proclaimed anarchist. I'm going to call this person "SPA" (self-proclaimed anarchist) to protect hu(man)'s identity (and my well-being).

The Merriam-Webster defines anarchy as "1 a: absence of government b: a state of lawlessness or political disorder due to the absence of governmental authority c: a utopian society of individuals who enjoy complete freedom without government 2 a: absence or denial of any authority or established order b: absence of order."

SPA goes to protests, doesn't vote, believes that there are enough people in the U.S. to revolt against the government (and win), and thinks that the U.S. government is a sham that should be overturned.
The protests I am okay with (against the Iraq war; against W.; etc.), although SPA thinks that China has a better government because they are communist. I do not know if SPA realizes protesting against the government in China gets you killed or imprisoned.

The belief that voting is just "giving into the system" and therefore boycotting SPA's voting rights to "fuck the system" is just silly. Voting is the only way we are able to manipulate "the system" since our votes decide laws, law-makers, authority, etc. "Fucking the system" by not voting is just downright silly.

There are not enough anarchists in the U.S. to stage a successful revolt against the government that would eliminate all government authority, as SPA believes there is. I asked SPA how many people that SPA thinks are proclaimed anarchists in the U.S. today. SPA told me around 750,000. I said, "Okay, let's double that to 1.5 mil just to be fair. If all of the 1.5 mil anarchists in the U.S. get 5 people to also join in this revolt, we now have 9 million people rising up against the U.S. government." I started to explain how that is only 3 % of the population (out of 306,613,878 as of 2008 according the the US Census Bureau). A majority of Americans are not going to risk losing their homes, freedoms, cars, boats, jobs, or whatever to join in with 9 million people to revolt against the government.

I have no qualms with SPA's opinion of the U.S. government. Everyone has a right to their opinions. And, at the time of this conversation, W. was still in office so I agreed.

Anyway, none of that is really the point. Just some background info on my anarchist friend.

Someone has recently informed me that SPA has been on welfare, WIC, and receives food stamps from our government for over a year. In addition to the Pell Grants for school, of course.

I have no problems with receiving assistance from the government, in any form. I give, I get back, people with more need than I receive assistance because I payed my taxes...it all works out. I think Pell Grants, welfare, WIC, food stamps, and the like are all wonderful programs. I'm glad to hear that this is working out for someone I know.

Of course, SPA would never admit they receive government assistance. I wonder if SPA knows that if an anarchist revolt were to succeed in overthrowing our government, the government assistance that SPA receives would no longer exist.

I just thought some of you might join me in enjoying this wonderful example of irony.

Stay tuned...

I have entries stored in my noggin to be written after I sleep off the beers...


I will address (in no particular order):

• A self-proclaimed anarchist on food stamps
• The time I almost agreed with something Darth Cheney said
• The Sexuality Spectrum

S.M.I.L.F.

So today I found out that I am a Step-M.I.L.F. (or SMILF). I think it's a cross between a smurf and a hot mom.

That is all.

The New Whigs

I have been comparing the current Republican Party to the former Whig Party for a little while now. The comparison is easily made as the eventual dissemination of the Whig Party came from the exclusive, extremist attitude of the former political faction. Sound familiar? The Whigs also represented the "business" sector and "moralists" of the time. Sound like someone you know?

Anyway, I haven't really discussed this comparison with many people because it seems so obvious a judgement. I've only really mentioned it during pillow-talk sessions with various lovers (really, just my husband and Keith Olbermann). I know, politics doesn't generally make for great "afterglow" banter but it usually revs us back up for seconds (especially when Dick and Bush are involved).

I only feel the need to bring up my Whig-Republican discussion up now because Keith asked me if he could use it on the Countdown the other night. I told him that was fine but since he wouldn't cite me for fear of our torrid affair becoming public (though our partners know- one of the perks of being an immoral progressive: Orgies), I made him promise that next time we get together we can roleplay Sean Hannity & Glenn Beck having anal sex (You guess who gets it in the butt).

Anyway, he used my comparison last night and I feel he justly represented my argument with more wit and grace than I would have.

But just so you know, I thought of it first.

You Hypocritical Bastards

This blog is only intended to address those who are celebrating, or trying to justify, the murder of Dr. George Tiller.

"It is estimated that up to half of all fertilized eggs die and are lost (aborted) spontaneously, usually before the woman knows she is pregnant. Among those women who know they are pregnant, the miscarriage [spontaneous abortion] rate is about 15-20%. Most miscarriages occur during the first 7 weeks of pregnancy. The rate of miscarriage drops after the baby's heart beat is detected." - National Institute of Health (http://www.nlm.nih.gov/MEDLINEPLUS/ency/article/001488.htm) (italics are mine)

There are an estimated 6 million known pregnancies in the U.S. each year (pregnancy.org).

So God is the most successful abortionist of all, it seems. At the rate of 50% of all pregnancies (including those undetected) being spontaneously aborted that would add up to about 4-6 million spontaneous abortions per year in the United States alone. Even if you only count the woman who know they are pregnant, the number of miscarried is equal to the number of terminated pregnancies each year (20% of 6mil=1.2mil).

The number of abortions, or terminated pregnancies, performed legally each year in the U.S. is 1,200,000 (pregnancy.org).

So God "kills" 3-5X as many "babies" as abortion doctors in the U.S. alone EVERY YEAR.

So stop trying to imitate the Taliban with your efforts to impose your beliefs on America.

If you don't believe in abortion, then don't have an abortion. This is a democracy, not a theocracy. Doesn't God call for you to obey the authorities placed in charge of the laws somewhere in the bible? (To save your time, Romans 13:1-7)

Extreme Christianity taking the form of violence is no different from Extreme Islam beliefs taking the form of violence (or any type of religiously-inspired violence). You are cherry-picking the parts of the bible that justify your small-minded judgements. How is this form of terrorism any different than the terrorism in the Middle East, or anywhere for that matter?

You fucking hypocrites.

Insomnia

(Originally posted on 5/26/09 at 6:49 AM)

I am so sick of being an insomniac. Where did the time of sleeping for 10-14 hours a night on my vacations go?

Since school has been out, I've been lucky to fall asleep between 7 and 9am for a few hours.

The ambien doesn't work. The soft music, reading, tv background noise, nor complete silence/darkness works. I've tried it all. The glass(es) of wine in the tub, snuggling, not snuggling, moving to the couch...all failures. Bleh.

And it's not the kind of insomnia that could maybe allow me to be productive with the extra hours at night. It is more like desperate zombie-insomnia so I just lay there and be a desperate zombie trying not to think about how I'm not sleeping.

Other than that, everything is fine.

Dr. A asked me to be on his research team for a study he will be conducting. It is awesome. Dr. A is a cross between Dr. Drew Pinsky and Keith Olbermann. He's witty, liberal, atheist, brilliant, and charming (as far as I can tell). Not that any of that matters when it comes to people I will be working with/for/under but it all definitely raises my motivation to be the best research assistant ever. The experience won't look bad on my grad degree application either. ;)

Banana Mouse is thriving. He is no longer content to sleep on me. He just wants to tunnel through my clothes and try to explore the bed. He's a fast little bugger too. He's got a pimped out cage tho and watching him eat sunflower seeds is my new favorite tv show. Mission accomplished (except for that whole not staying put thing).

I have registered for 2 summer I classes and 2 summer II classes. Round 1 starts June 8 so I suppose I should actually do something productive with my time off instead of sitting around the house reading Al Franken books and watching House reruns but it's so damn tempting to do just that! So that is basically all I've been up to since school got out. Anyway, I suppose I'll go lay down and muse about not sleeping some more.