Taking Advantage of My Husband's Former Life

Guess who's on the Toadies' backstage guestlist again for Dia De Los Toadies, Part Deux...

Yeah, that's right, bee-yotches. Revel in my "cool by association-ness."

The line-up this year is waaaaay better than last year's. Got some Ben Kweller action to look forward to. And to think, this time last year I had never seen the Toadies live before.

*Sigh* Being a former rockstar's wife is kinda awesome sometimes.

Eat a Bag o' Dicks

So, recently a nosy classmate asked me how I did on a freshly graded test. When I told her, she asked me, "What? I got a D. How did you get an A?"

I looked around to make sure no one was listening, leaned in and dramatically whispered, "I have a copy of the answers for all of the tests in this class."

Her eyes widened and she whispered back, "Holy shit... Where did you get them? Can I buy them from you?"

I looked at her with the most ernestly faked expression of confusion and asked, "I got them at the bookstore. Don't you have them, too?" as I pointed to the textbook sitting in front of her.

No wonder I never get invited to parties. Ha.

Yes, I really joined twitter.

I've officially sold my soul to technology by joining Twitter today. Just search for politicalsexpot to follow me. All the random blurbs that don't make it to my blog will be on twitter for your entertainment and/or disdain.

*Defeated sigh*

All the tequila...

Too many margaritas on Wed = Incredibly sluggish Thursday.

Ugh.

Slavery and the Bible, Part 1: A Dick with the Truth Segment

So, I feel like bursting some bubbles today, so we are going to look at what the Christian bible says about slavery. Specifically I want to point out what God/Jesus/people speaking for God/Jesus have to say on the matter. I will include all of the bible verses, instead of just cherry-picking the ones that would be most effective in face-rubbing, like Christians often do.

Anything in brackets [like this] is my interjected input.



It begins in Exodus 21 with a "slave rulebook" of sorts.

• 21:2-6 - If you buy a Hebrew servant, he shall serve six years; and in the seventh he shall go out free and pay nothing. If he comes in by himself, he shall go out by himself; if he comes in married, then his wife shall go out with him. If his master has given him a wife, and she has borne him sons or daughters, the wife and her children shall be her master’s, and he shall go out by himself. But if the servant plainly says, ‘I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free,’ then his master shall bring him to the judges. He shall also bring him to the door, or to the doorpost, and his master shall pierce his ear with an awl; and he shall serve him forever. (NKJV)
  --So, if you have a 7-year slave and he gets married while he's your slave, then the slave's wife and any children she may have had now belong to the slave-owner forever. Nice family values!


• 21:7-11 - And if a man sells his daughter to be a female [sex] slave, she shall not go out as the male slaves do [no release after 6 years; sex slaves are slaves for life]. If she does not please her master, who has betrothed her to himself [bible-speak for "fucked her"], then he shall let her be redeemed. He shall have no right to sell her to a foreign people, since he has dealt deceitfully with her. And if he has betrothed her to his son, he shall deal with her according to the custom of daughters. If he takes another wife, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, and her marriage rights [sex]. And if he does not do these three for her, then she shall go out free, without paying money. (NKJV)
  --So, daughters can be sold, by their fathers, into sexual slavery. I would assume against their will since they have no say in the matter. And as long as the sex slave-owner keeps her fed, clothed and sexed up, she gets to be his "slave for life". I'm so glad so many people use the bible as a moral guidebook!


• 21:20-21 - And if a man beats his male or female servant with a rod, so that he dies under his hand, he shall surely be punished. Notwithstanding, if he remains alive a day or two, he shall not be punished; for he is his property. (NKJV)
  --So beating your slaves is A-OK with God as long as you don't actually kill them right away. Although, to be fair, other translations vary by saying "gets up after a day or two" (NIV) and "recovers within a day or two" (NLT) instead of "if he remains alive a day or two" (NKJV). So if the slave recovers from the beating after a couple of days then the slave-owner is cool in God's eyes according to the other translations. How merciful!


• 21:26-27 - If a man strikes the eye of his male or female servant, and destroys it, he shall let him go free for the sake of his eye. And if he knocks out the tooth of his male or female servant, he shall let him go free for the sake of his tooth.
  --Hey, if you knock out a tooth or put out an eye, your slave can go free, so better aim for the torso. No laws about breaking ribs!

Now in Deuteronomy 15, Exodus 21:2-6 is basically repeated, except in the Deut. version, a woman can also count in the first category of 6-year slaves. So maybe they "misspoke" or "misinterpreted" or just changed their minds about the whole women are slaves for life in the Exodus law.

I'll continue being a total dick (with the truth, mind you) later on. This is getting pretty long. We'll look at the rest of the Old Testament next time.

Until then,

-Me

The Wall

So, my husband was pretty appalled to learn that I had yet to see Pink Floyd's "The Wall" so we just watched it. Cut me some slack. DH was 13 when it came out. I was -2.

Anyway, that was some heavy shit, man. I feel sorry for the people who were like, "Hey, let's go see that Pink Floyd movie after we drop some acid, dude." That could do some serious damage...or at the very least, discourage all future LSD use.

I'm going to have to detox with some Dread Zeppelin before I go to sleep.

"What about the unborn?!?!"

So, I'm still watching the Sotomayor hearing (although I will admit I did fall asleep a couple of times...). Something baffled me about the question posed by the two protesters who interrupted the precedings this morning. "What about the unborn?" was the question cried out by two separate entities who were in attendance today.

What about the unborn? That's a good question. You got me, guys. What about 'em? I'm pretty sure that Sotomayor's affirmation into the Supreme Court has NOTHING to do with the "unborn" fetuses of America. There are no court cases before the Supreme Court, or that are due to go before the Supreme Court, that have anything to do with abortion. Or prenatal care. Or fetuses in general. So what the fuck do the "unborn" have to do with this preceding? Hmmm??? I'm pretty sure Roe v. Wade isn't going to be overturned because some assholes interrupted this Senate hearing. So, what about the unborn, huh?

That is all.

Sonya, Bruno, Bill, and me

Last night, I saw Bruno. So awesome and I highly recommend it. I laughed out loud from the very beginning to the very end. Brilliant, of course! Though, the other people in the movie theatre may not have been the brightest crayons in the box...After the movie, one woman was overheard saying, "It took me about 40 minutes to warm up to it. I was a lot more comfortable after they started the gay-bashing." WHAT?? Were we in the same movie, lady? Because it was funny from the first scene and there was only gay-basher-bashing, making fun of the hicks who bash gays, like you. Bah! Oh well, I'm in a red state and I can't expect everyone to be well-bred around here. If I had a "Worst Persons" bit, like KO, that lady would be "Worser" today.

After the movie (and a couple shared pitchers of beer - movie taverns are the best!), DH and I went home and watched my Bill Hicks dvd. Ah, I miss that man. Bill Hicks was truly a badass in every sense of the word. So many of his political bits are quite salient for today's political environment, 15 years later. Plus, picturing the Beatles trying to peel Ringo Starr off of the ceiling to record "Yellow Submarine" always leaves me in stitches..."They were real fuckin' high."

I'm actually up early this morning after a good night's sleep! Usually, I'm still trying to go to sleep at this point. I wanted to watch the Sonya Sotomayor hearing this morning though, although I probably could have slept for another 2 hours since they are still going through the "introductory commentaries". She looks as bored as everyone who is watching must be! I can't tell if the look of pain on her face is due to having to sit through the Senatorial blah-blah-blahs or due to her broken ankle. I'm guessing it's the speeches.

I got my grades back from the Summer I session. A's in both classes. There's no way I'm going to take 2 Summer classes during the same 4-week session ever again. That was a TERRIBLE idea and if I want to get some classes done over the summer again, I will space them out. Like Summer II, which starts today. I've decided to only take 1 easy class, 1/2 online 1/2 on campus, which I predict will not be nearly as stressful and I may actually have somewhat of a personal life this month. That would be nice...

Well, good luck, Sonya Sotomayor, though I don't think you'll need it. You got this in the bag, girlfriend!

I dream of Jenny Lewis

I didn't want to wake up this morning. I was having sweet and lovely dreams about Jenny Lewis. *sigh* I know some of my other lady(and guy) friends know what I mean. In case you aren't hip to Jenny, here is a short video I took last time she was in town. I took lots more but I don't have time to sit here while they upload. :-p So sexy and delicious...

Here are some pictures I took:

And here are some pictures by Hal Samples for the Dallas Observer (see them all here):

The photographer may have had the same thing on his mind that I did... ;)

Partisan Pick-Up Lines

Well, Summer I is over. I would be out celebrating right now but instead I'm home and sick and pouting.

So, you all will probably hear from me a lot this weekend, since I won't be going anywhere unless I randomly recover very quickly.

So here are some pick-up lines you can use next time you are at a partisan party, convention, or fundraiser.

Democrats/Liberals:

• "Can I smoke your cigar?"
• "Want to come back to my place and not have sexual relations with each other?"
• "My heart almost stopped bleeding when you walked into the room."
• "I voted for Obama."
• "Want to see my new anti-war/Bush/Palin/Cheney T-shirt?"

Republicans/Conservatives:

• "I've had a vasectomy."
• "You remind me of a pitbull....with lipstick."
• "I voted for McCain."
• "I voted for Bush. Twice."
• "Want to introduce your Dick to my Bush?" (I'm sorry. I couldn't resist...)
• "Condoms are overrated."
• "Want to go to Argentina this weekend? I get the Sanford discount on travel expenses."
• *Taps foot against foot of person in the adjoining toilet stall*

These are guaranteed* to work at your next Partisan Event.

*Guarantee expires on July 9, 2009

Funny Astrology Indulgence & KO and Rachel Maddow Return...Finally!

So, I get bombarded with horoscope emails daily. Every so often, I'll open one up for a laugh. Here's my "overview" for today.

I think this one is telling me to have a threesome. Sweet!!
These are the times that try your soul, because deciding between the interests of your dear ones and the demands of your libido won't be an easy thing to negotiate. Ah, well. If all else fails, including the mediation of an impartial third party, take a good, long time-out.

And I came down with Strep throat today...I'd say this is creepy if it wasn't for the 60 million other Scorpios who are also probably sick and freaking out over this one.
Your first impulse will be to ignore it and bravely go on. Don't. Epic sagas aren't written about someone who was cranky from the flu. Go home. Tend to yourself.

Anyway, just thought I'd share. Took my first final this morning. Got an A in the class (Tests & Measurements). Have to get a 77/100 on my Mod Political Thought final tomorrow to make an A in that class so I'm golden. I'm never taking 2 Summer session classes simultaneously AGAIN.

I forgot to mention, Keith O and Rachel Maddow are back from vacation so I can start watching cable news again. For my sake, please never, ever take vacations at the same time, guys. That was torture...There was no one else to revel in Palin stepping down as Governor, no one to countdown Worst Persons, no one to make all the same political jokes that I made 2 days prior... Anyway, I'm glad you're both back!

I'm So Tired, My Mind Is On The Blink

*Sigh* It would be lovely if I could be sleeping right now, but my insomnia doesn't seem to be sensitive to the fact that I have a final in 6 hours. So much for storing the 7 hours of studying I did today in my long term memory. At least the test is all cued recall multiple choice questions...all 150 of them! :-p

Summer I is over on Friday. Summer II starts on Monday, so this weekend is going to be my "krunk" weekend since I won't have any assignments or reading to do. Which really means I'll finish my leisure reading, watch the movies I rented last week, get my car inspection done, catch up on housework, play with Banana Mouse, and drink 8.75 beers.

The boys leave for Central America on Sunday with DH's baby-mama, so it will be pretty quiet around the house for the next month. Maybe I'll be able to work on my painting some. Maybe DH and I will make it to the July vc party for some adult-oriented weekend fun. Who knows. Probably I'll just be studying, volunteering, and wasting copious amounts of time playing Tetris on my phone while listing to Mothership on repeat.

Well, I'm going to try to induce some sleep with my Mother's Day bath salts. G'night.

Been Dazed and Confused for so long it's not true.
Wanted a woman, never bargained for you.

Independence Day 2009: Wisdom From Our Founding Fathers

Happy Independence Day!

I thought it would be fitting to share some of my favorite quotes from our founding fathers to celebrate this July 4th.

"The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion."
-John Adams, Treaty of Tripoli, Article 11

"I almost shudder at the thought of alluding to the most fatal example of the abuses of grief which the history of mankind has preserved -- the Cross. Consider what calamities that engine of grief has produced!"
-John Adams, Letter to Thomas Jefferson

"The Doctrine of the divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity."
-John Adams

"Dunghill."
-Jefferson's Word for the Bible

"The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his father, in the womb of a virgin, will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter."
-Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson's Bible

"I have examined all the known superstitions of the world, and I do not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and mythology. Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined and imprisoned. What has been the effect of this coercion? To make one half of the world fools and the other half hypocrites; to support roguery and error all over the earth."
-Thomas Jefferson

"Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear....Do not be frightened from this inquiry by any fear of its consequences. If it end in a belief that there is no God, you will find incitements to virtue on the comfort and pleasantness you feel in its exercise and in the love of others which it will procure for you."
-Thomas Jefferson

"Christianity...[has become] the most perverted system that ever shone on man....Rogueries, absurdities and untruths were perpetrated upon the teachings of Jesus by a large band of dupes and importers led by Paul, the first great corrupter of the teaching of Jesus."
-Thomas Jefferson

"They [preachers] dread the advance of science as witches do the approach of daylight and scowl on the fatal harbinger announcing the subversions of the duperies on which they live."
-Thomas Jefferson

"The Christian god can easily be pictured as virtually the same god as the many ancient gods of past civilizations. The Christian god is a three headed monster; cruel, vengeful and capricious. If one wishes to know more of this raging, three headed beast-like god, one only needs to look at the caliber of people who say they serve him. They are always of two classes; fools and hypocrites. To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical."
-Thomas Jefferson

"Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble enterprise..."
-James Madison

"I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of....Each of those churches accuse the other of unbelief; and of my own part, I disbelieve them all."
-Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason, Pg. 89

"The most detestable wickedness, the most horrid cruelties, and the greatest miseries that have afflicted the human race have had their origin in this thing called revelation, or revealed religion."
-Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason

"Those who preach the doctrine of loving their enemies are in general the greatest prosecutors, and they act consistently by so doing; for the doctrine is hypocritical, and it is natural that hypocrisy should act the reverse of what it preaches."
-Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason

"Accustom a people to believe that priests and clergy can forgive sins ... and you will have sins in abundance. I would not dare to dishonor my Creator's name by [attaching] it to this filthy book [the Bible]."
-Thomas Paine

"Of all the animosities which have existed among mankind, those which are caused by difference of sentiments in religion appear to be the most inveterate and distressing, and ought most to be deprecated."
-George Washington, Letter to Edward Newenham, 1792

"...I beg you be persuaded that no one would be more zealous than myself to establish effectual barriers against the horrors of spiritual tyranny, and every species of religious persecution."
-George Washington, Letter to United Baptist Churches of Virginia, 1789

And quite possibly my favorite quote: "The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason."
- Benjamin Franklin

Hopefully you can all enjoy your hot dogs and fireworks with a little more freedom today, now knowing that our Founding Fathers did NOT establish this country on Judeo-Christian values!!

Yes, I know...I am a dick. ;) But I'm a dick with the truth!

Damn, it feels good to be a [Liberal]

Another victory! So much good news for the Left this week!

Sarah Palin just announced that she will not be running for re-election. In fact, she is STEPPING DOWN as the Governor of Alaska. I think this may be the best decision she's ever made as a politician. She has yet to inform the public as to why she is committing political suicide.

I predict that she will come out saying that "God" told her to step down or that her family is more important right now or something along those lines.

I also predict that the real scandal that inspired her to make such a drastic move will be revealed by Tuesday of next week.

Anyone of the following scandals would suffice: Palin Vs. McCain staff; more details on her non-ethical deeds as governor; affair with S. Carolina Governor Mark Sanford; Sarah Palin affair with Bristol's baby-daddy; Todd Palin is the father of Bristol's baby; Daughter Willow, 14, is pregnant (gotta love abstinence only sex ed!); Sarah Palin's college lesbian experimentation pictures are released.

Gotta love them Republicans! They are just so filled with juicy scandals this year...What's next? We've had 2 extra-marital affairs by Republican officials, a Minnesota Republican congresswoman claiming the census is a government conspiracy, a Missouri Republican representative claiming children should be allowed to go hungry so they'll be "motivated" to work... All in one week! What an awesome example of morality the GOP is setting for our country.

And what a beautiful week for the Democrats. You couldn't make up better stories than these to discredit the Right!

I normally don't take pleasure in the downfall of other human beings, but when these human beings are trying to dictate my personal life and then committing the "sins" they themselves have been condemning, it is hard not to find a little pleasure in the publicized hypocrisy. Kinda like when Ted Haggard, my favorite evangelical gay-basher, being caught with gay prostitutes and meth...this sort of ironic justice makes it hard not to smile inside.