Non-Traditional Gender Roles

Honey, please don't make fun of me for yelling at the tv during the game. I am well aware of the fact that they can't hear me. Besides, I don't make fun of you for crying during your Sex and the City dvd marathons. And yes, Shoeface's voice overs do really make me want to drive a fork into my own eye.

Olbermann the Bobble Head!!!!!!!!!

If I do not receive this for my birthday (*cough* 11/20 *cough*), then my friends and family will have epically failed:

The Circle of Google

So, after posting the weird, odd and funny search terms on my blog yesterday, someone searching Google for "searchterms" found my blog. Amazing!

Best Google Search Terms That Lead To My Blog

In no particular order, here are the weirdest, funniest, and most random searches that have led to this blog. Each search term is linked to its landing page:

• "gospel singer gay mark lowry"
• "bruno rednecks"
• "feel it all lyrics by margaret becker" - Who? What?
• "fresh air, npr undetected pregnancy"
• "funny horoscopes for 2009"
• "obama not a christian nation" - That's right! I hope they read that entry too.
• "palin daughter willow pregnant" - So awesome!
• "sarah palin sanford affair" - Even more awesome!
• "what is a smilf?"

Anyway, good times. I noticed my tags are kinda all over the place so I'm going to cut them down so it will be easier to navigate my blog entries. Uh, your welcome!

-Me

Blogger Sobriety Test

So, I do this thing when I'm not sober and around a computer. It's called "copy & paste lyrics from songs" and I'm pretty sure that, at the time, I'm trying to be deep and meaningful.

I usually delete these inane blogs the next day but I'm not going to anymore. For one, they still show up in Google Reader. Plus, they're pretty funny, in a ridiculously silly sort of way.

Like, for example, this morning's (or "last night's") lyrics come from a song that I can't get out of my head. "Strange & Beautiful" by Aqualung. It is a pretty deep song and it does hold some meaning for me...

It is the song that I record over and over and over onto multiple cassette tapes, which I then send to Keith Olbermann 3x a week. I thought maybe he'd be inspired by this gesture to lift the restraining order against me but instead he changed the "Can't come within 500 ft." rule to a more restrictive 100 ft.

I mean, what does he really think a silly, obsessed female fan is capable of? Driving across the country in diapers to kidnap his blonde, 25 yr old girlfriend? Sneaking into his apartment to steal his brain to keep in a jar so we can communicate telepathically? I mean, really, Keith. Geez...

Speaking of brains in jars, I figured out what my M.O. would be if I were a serial killer (don't you love the twisted things people who study psychology think upon?).

If I were a serial killer:

• I'd murder college professors, extract their brains and then keep their brains in jars of formaldehyde in my basement so I could feed off of their knowledge
• I would stick wax lips on the jars although they wouldn't need lips because we would only communicate telepathically
• I would be schizophrenic, although the diagnosis wouldn't come until my capture since the schizophrenia only just now developed in my mid-twenties
• "The Man with Two Brains" with Steve Martin was my favorite movie as a child

So, that thought came to me the other day and I thought I'd share. If someone steals this idea for a movie or an episode of Law & Order: CI, I will sue that person for millions, so don't even think about it.

Strange & Beautiful

I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart,
Unseen.

To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and
I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realize

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, that waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see

-Aqualung

Academic Dreams About Holding a "Stimulating" Conversation

Last night I dreamt about someone whom I admire greatly. But instead of a normal sex dream, I dreamt about talking to this person for hours. Literally, all night long, I dreamt about talking to someone that I find attractive.

I think my brain needs to get laid. Has it really been that long since I've had intellectual intercourse?