Dick with the Truth Segment: Entertainment?? Really?

So here is my "I can't fucking believe there is an audience for this shit" list:

• The Saw movies (seriously, who the fuck is buying enough tickets to this torture-porn bullshit that could warrant FIVE sequels???)
• Jeff Dunham (A ventriloquist who perpetuates stereotypes about Muslims, African-Americans, the elderly, Latinos, and purple hand puppets with green hair? And he's not funny. Ever. Even if this mega-douche was funny, I couldn't watch his act out of sheer principle.)
• Glenn Beck (Pull the silver spoon out of your ass, you whiny bitch. There's nothing more pathetic than a pasty white 40-something year old man-child who smears vaporub underneath his eyes to get out of being logical. You need a truth enema, asshole.)
• Tyra Banks (Take your cutesy psuedo-feminism and shove it up your "va-jay-jay", please.)
• Rock of Love, all of its spin-offs, Flava-of-Love, that Tila Tequila bullshit...basically everything that is on MTV and VH1 these days. Get a fucking life, people. I can't stand drama in my own life and I sure as hell don't want to watch a bunch of fuck-wads feigning emotional hell on TV either.
• Perez Hilton. Okay, we get it. Your a bitchy, gay latino who loves to hate celebrities and draw penises all over their pictures. Over it. (Props for bringing down that Carrie Prenshaw blowhard though)
• Jennifer Aniston movies (all of them)
• The Blue Collar Comedy Tour (You know you're a redneck if you think this bullshit is funny. Personally, it makes me want to throw myself in front of a speeding Nascar...car. Oh, the redundancy!)
• And finally... All the Fucking Vampire Bullshit!! When did vampires become cool again*?? (*Whether they were ever actually cool is debatable.) Sure, I'll admit, I watched a couple episodes of Buffy here and there (mainly only the ones that centered around that super-hot Faith chick) and The Lost Boys is a classic...But that was over a decade ago!! Jesus, how many different twists can there possibly to a vampire plot? They live forever, suck blood, and you can kill them with wooden stakes if you use nubile teen girls as bait. That's it. Holy fuck.

70's Porn Star Portraying a Tennis Player

So...

I have received around 25 hits in the last 2 weeks from people who googled "70's tennis player costume" so I thought I'd go ahead and post the only pictures that exist from last Halloween that captured me dressed up as a "1970's Porn Star Portraying a Tennis Player". So here you go, in case you need some guidance for your costume. What you can't see are my matching "goldenrod" knee-high socks and boyshorts (goldenrod boyshorts w/burnt orange lining...I don't know how much more 1970 you can get, people!). The shoes were platform slip-on tennis shoes (in the style of Ked, but more ghetto...and w/platform heels, duh.).

From the front (Don't even ask me. All I remember is Amy Winehouse, Tooth Fairy, and Disco Dancing Cocaine O.D. God only knows wtf "Shiny Pants" is supposed to be.)

From the back (yeah, Amy Winehouse lost her cash and ID that night, in case you were wondering)


Be safe and have fun, people.

National Coming Out Day 2009

Hey everybody,

Today is National Coming Out Day and though I have been "out" for around 5 years now, in case you didn't know...I like boys AND girls! Woot!
The way I was raised, to believe that homosexuality is a choice, I never even thought about being attracted to women, yet I was. I remember my first real girl crush, and I even have a video diary entry lamenting over how beautiful and smart and funny she was...but I didn't get it then. I was so head-over-heels for her but I still stated my feelings toward her being "Like being in love but she's a girl so not" or something like that.
All those stereotypically lesbian attributes, that was/is me. I can change my own oil, change a flat tire in less than 5 minutes (in a dress without getting a smudge of grime on more than my fingers, no less), tune-up an American car (I miss you, 85 Dodge Charger and 84 Mustang...), was a tomboy growing up (only girl allowed in the "boy fort"; loved fishing, football, dissecting stuff, throwing worms at girls, and math; taught myself how to pee standing up - I know, TMI...), not overtly emotional, take up lots of "personal space" (e.g. taking up half the park bench when I sit down), competitive, overtly sexual, etc. etc. etc. Maybe these are stereotypes for a reason, although I know plenty of lesbians who have no idea how to even check their car's fluids, are extremely emotional, won't touch a bug, hate sports, and love Sex & the City (I know, I've dated them...Ha!).
I've always been attracted to women. Naked women have always turned me on more than men. I remember getting drunk at 19 with my ex-boyfriend and "hitting the club" where apparently I kept flirting with girls and telling them how pretty they were, warranting my ex's friends to tell him they thought I had "lesbian tendencies". I dismissed it at the time but soon realized the truth...I do have lesbian tendencies. Ha.
So from the age of 19 years, I've claimed that when it comes to having a romantic connection with someone, I won't discriminate against age, sex, or race. I'm an equal opportunity lover!
So, there. Yours truly is a big, fat bi-sexual and I will never be ashamed of my love for the ladies (and the menfolks).

Happy Coming Out Day to all of you "first-timers". I hope you get the respect and acceptance that we all deserve.

-Me

Bi-Pride (he he)

Dilemma Solved!!

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Best Halloween Costume Ever!!

Costume Dilemma

So, I'm having a hard time coming up with a good costume idea for Halloween this year. Since 2002, I have used decades as themes for my costume (mostly).

• 2002 - 50's housewife (vintage sweater, pearls, skirt, hair flip bob thing)
• 2003 - 80's prom date (that shouldn't need describing ha)
• 2004 - 60's movie star incognito (fancy dress, "diamonds", trench coat, Audrey Hepburn scarf, giant sunglasses)
• 2005 - Geisha (Not part of the theme. An anomaly that got me a date with a hot chick.)
• 2006 - Slutty Dorothy (Also not part of the theme but I did it for G, who had to be the Tin Man at work)
• 2007 - Drapes (hahaha. I was broke so I wore a dress I already owned that was made out of material that resembled drapery and bought a $7 dollar curtain rod. Talk about creative. hahaha)
• 2008 - 70's porn star playing a tennis player (bad ass slutty 70's tennis dress - the inspiration for this costume, tennis racket, matching knee highs and "boyshorts", white platform sneakers, wrist bands, rainbow addidas tennis headband)

Anyway, I'm having a hard time coming up with some other decade-themed costume. It's gotta be gayborhood block party friendly. Maybe I should just hit some thrift stores until I find some inspiration. I was thinking 40's pin up girl but it's so cliche. Maybe 90's rock star's crackwhore wife (inspired by Courtney, of course) or 80's high school bad girl (complete with Whitesnake acid wash denim jacket). Any ideas? I'm almost ready to throw in the towel on the decade theme and just go with Princess Leia like the total nerd that I am.